Catching Up

Life happens, you pay taxes, and then you die.

I just rediscovered the joy I used to get while posting here, so I'm back and ready to catch up. So I present a few gems that have been holed up in my computer for a while, waiting for their turn in the spotlight.

As usual, when you use the incorrect word, your meaning is lost. Although, sadly, probably not lost on most people these days, as most won't notice the error. Obviously this real estate listing has something to do with fonts:

I don't remember where this came from, and I also don't remember whether or not I tried the chilli lotto:

Most instructions seem to be written in a foreign country, so this is not an unusual mistake to see. But they are always funny. Make your way out the door, NOW! The inflatable is loosing air!

This is truly sad. Obviously this car belongs to a REALTOR. And just as obviously, this REALTOR is STUPID. There is no excuse for this.

Taken from a menu at a very nice dinner one night. I can report that the Rhubarb Pie was delicious. No barbs at all, thank goodness.

Our local pest control (a necessity in the South) sent this lovely reminder about bed bugs. Hopefully they are better at pest control than they are with spelling. Although I have to agree that hosting guests could be travailing in some ways.

That's all for now. I promise to keep my eyes open and report on more when I find them. Which isn't too hard these days. Have some examples that drive you crazy? Send them on to me and I'll gladly post them.

The Truck of The Car

On a more recent note, this is from the debacle called the Casey Anthony Trial - better known as OJ #2 Trial. The media is so bent on being the first to show this and that and to overdramatize every bit of information that they forget to check what they've written. Or they are too dumb to even notice that something's wrong.

I do remember way back when there was a car/truck vehicle that featured the front of a sedan and the back was a sort of pick-up truck. Truly ugly. Maybe that's what Casey was driving. If so, I stand corrected and there is nothing to see here. Move along.

(The DirecTV note is so that I can call them each and every time I have an issue - their phone number is on the note - which is often. And I will continue to harass them with calls until they agree to replace my bad DVR. So there.)

Missississippissip - Aw Forget It.

Wondering if the headline was actually written by someone from Mississippi. That would be SO perfect!

This Keeps Up and They'll Soon Be Endangered

This is hard to see, but a classic moose/mousse typo. From a very nice restaurant menu. Wonder if Natasha and Boris are behind this?

News Channels Run By Spelling (Oxy)Morons?

I haven't been able to figure out exactly what they're trying to say here. Either it's gotten extremely windy across the midwest, or air travel just got a little dicier.

Either way it's spelled wrong. Again, this is from a national 24 hour news channel. Do they not even care anymore?

And this is why South Carolina has been stereotyped:

This is from a local news channel. Perhaps their budget issues have caused them to cut back on education?

I'm From Calio - You Know - As In Caliofornia

Haha! This is from a morning news show. We can take comfort in the fact that the hand is actually pointing out the error. ("Stupid interns! I would like everyone to know that I had NOTHING to do with this!")

Oh, OK, it's Good Morning America. Get your sh** together GMA!

Alumni Won't Be Happy Coming Home To This

It's so sad to keep getting these images from college campuses. Thanks again to Kristilyn again for this one.
Perhaps we should go with the idea that the local businesses aren't run by students or graduates of the university. Sigh.

If You Can Spell This, THEN You Are Smarter THAN Him!

Saw this today on the Book of Face:

Free Flipping E-Course. Than Merrill breaks down 27 proven strategies he currently uses for flipping homes in today's market!

Nothing I look forward to more THAN taking a course from someone who doesn't speak the language. I'm guessing that he didn't spend more THAN a few seconds writing his ad, thinking that it doesn't matter whether or not it's correct, as he probably stands to make millions off of the suckers intelligent people who sign up to learn all of his most secret tricks to become millionaires themselves. THEN he'll be the one laughing all the way to the bank.

We Need A 12 Step Program

Hmmmm. Mr. Keith J. Pierce - I suppose it's a good thing you decided to become an auctioneer and not an editor or an English teacher. Would that be the silver lining to this?

Do we need a country-wide 12 step program for overuse of apostrophes? Could we lump in excessive quotation marks as well?

And when did the word website become two?

Capsizing Islands?

Forget for a moment that this man - this State Representative, mind you - is having trouble forming a complete sentence. Forget that he appears to be having trouble with the English language. Forget that he's making less sense than your average six year old child.

If you can.

How the Admiral kept a straight face through that is beyond me.

I have to believe that the video is actually an internet experiment to see how quickly a video can go viral. Or a Saturday Night Live Sketch (in which case it's hysterically funny!)

If it is real - God help us all if we keep electing morons like Representative Hank Johnson (GA).

On My Way To The Aquaitc Center

Do they have spell checkers on sign-making machines? No? Well, they might want to think about adding that feature. This spelling (the word is supposed to be aquatic - just in case you're having trouble figuring it out) was on several new city signs installed a while back to help visitors find their way around town. Except I don't think anyone will be looking for an Aquaitc Center. They could end up even more confused than when they started out. Maybe this could be turned into a positive thing - "Visit us - we have an Aquaitc Center - do you? Hah - didn't think so!"

How do you get it so wrong?

On each and every sign?

With nobody noticing?

Until they are all installed?

Who's in charge here, anyway?!

If It Ain't Broke - Add An 'N'!

This sad note was discovered on a chair in a University classroom. Obviously the chair was not, at some prior point in time, loaded with cash. (Tell me you weren't thinking that!)  It does look like someone tried to correct the note by adding an 'n' to the word 'broke'. Thank goodness for that!

Thanks to Kristilyn for her vigilant campus detective work!

R U Goin 2 The Banc?

Spotted on the website for Bank of America. This is the problem with letting young texting fools run a website. In their world, if a word can be shortened, it is. And that (to them, at least), is the only way to spell. "What do you mean 'bank' has a 'k' at the end? It's not spelled 'banck'!"

I Has Gradutated To Congealed Salads!

OK - time to get back to blogging. But I'm too lazy to upload the photos/examples, so today let's talk about celebrities making fools of themselves while murdering the English language - and having no idea that they are doing so.

American Idol has started up again. Yes, I like to watch the early episodes not necessarily for the bad singers (because I know that the producers have pushed them through with promises of glory and reassurances that they have wonderful voices only to crush their dreams and embarrass them on TV), but to see the great singers as they audition - as the judges see them for the first time.

On the first episode, with Posh Spice (or should I say Plastic Spice - I swear I had dolls with the same sheen to their face) as the guest judge, there was one singer who tripped over the word 'graduated' and came up with 'gradutated'. At least I think that's what he said. It's hard to spell words that aren't really words. But they passed on him, so we won't have to endure any more of his tenuous grasp of the language.

Second episode. Guest judge this time around is Mary J Blige. She's had a successful career, right? She is nice looking, appears to have a handle on that tricky thing called communication. BUT - then a wannabe idol walked in who had been a Miss America contestant. Ms. Blige commented on that part of her information, noting that she hadn't won the contest, but she had been awarded (are your ready for this one?) Miss Congealiality! Seriously! And no one even blinked. I had to replay it several times, thinking I had heard it wrong. CONGEALIALITY! My guess was that she made the best molded jello salad for the talent portion.

Sigh. You can't make this shit up.

Today's Post Is Brought To You By The Letter N

Received this great photo all the way from Australia, from Eden. She says the owner of the shop saw her taking the picture, came out, looked at the sign, and then went back inside. The sign remained for another week. Guess it took him that long to figure out what was wrong.

Or maybe it's a cafe on the waterfront, and he meant it was for boats - as in mooring? Either way he's got it wrong.

One letter. There's only 26 of them but each one is so important. Never underestimate the power of a single letter.

Thanks Eden! Now I can say the blog has gone international :)

Your Does Not Equal You're!

There is plenty missing from so many websites these days. Proper grammar, correct spelling, etc. Oh sure, you have cutting edge eye catching killer graphics, and a (possibly) very coveted domain name. But if you hire someone with poor language skills (skillz?) to manage your website, it will usually show. And not in a good way.

You're = you are. The apostrophe stands for the missing letter (a, for those of you learning this for the first time and reading this with a puzzled expression).

Your = the possessive form of you. As in 'your website sucks'. Use it when you want to show ownership. Which you may not want to do if it's riddled with errors.

I will state again that I was not an English major, nor do I proclaim to know all the rules and such that apply to the language. So I may have gotten the definition of 'your' a bit wrong. However I stand by it as it will make sense to laymen such as myself!

I'll Have The Torttia With Chedder Chesse

This bit of a menu mess (from a small cafe in Oklahoma) proves that just because you can't spell doesn't mean that you can't cook. The food was incredibly good - certainly not fancy or earth shattering, but just plain good. And reasonably priced.

But the menu - oy vey what a mess! Fortunately, despite the mess, we were still able to choose our favorites and enjoy a wonderful family lunch.

How many errors can you find? No, really - I want to know because there are too many for me to keep track of.

If anyone can figure out what 613.990R11.75 is supposed to be, let me know. Either the beignets (which, by the way, is spelled correctly - go figure!) are a tad overpriced, or they've included the bar code for those who like to think in black and white.

Earthquake Clatter Nerves - 7.1 On Rector Scale!

A dilemma. Publicize the URL of this horrendous news site full of unbelievable writing and therefore giving it a boost in traffic (and hence, popularity and PR and success), or show you just one tiny example of the writing to enjoy, slack-jawed, as I did this morning.

Hmmmm.

Well, seeing as this blog has three readers on a good day, the URL shall be released. Promise not to tell the world, though. I don't want to promote their ineptness.

WARNING: I will not vouch for this site! It may be harmful to your computer. Proceed at your own risk - and possibly risk any hope you may have had for mankind for the remainder of your lifes (haha - little inside humor there).

So, for the brave - I give you: News we can do without!

Please, someone, tell me that the site isn't supposed to be real, that it's a parody, or satire, or something mocking the english language! I await your distinguished reply. Wishing you good fortune and best days ahead.

This sterling example of mistranslation was originally spotted on It's Your Damned Language! - another great grammar blog.

How Do You Spend Your Lifes?

Kristilyn was shopping in Big Lots today (who doesn't love Big Lots?!) and noticed this brilliant piece of artwork. She didn't say how much it was. Big Lots usually stocks products that might have been oversupplied, or items that don't sell in the original stores. Sometimes (if you like treasure hunts), you can find brilliant buys on anything from children's toys to air filters.

I wonder why this beautifully framed, thought provoking, beacon for our moral compass ended up there? Any ideas?

I hope she bought one for me!

Would You Buy This?

Time out.

We interrupt this blog to bring you the second most evil problem corrupting the world (bad grammar and lack of correct spelling being the first).

Stupid products for lazy people! This is getting out of hand. Case in point - first we had cookie dough in a tube. OK, that's understandable - not enough time to buy and mix up the ingredients (and it is oh so good straight from the tube). Then came the cookies almost formed, just break them up, place them on a cookie sheet, and bake. Because it's just too time consuming to slice the dough? Well, that's far too much work for me - please provide me with the cookies already on the cookie sheet so I can skip that step. And it was so. Wait! I don't even want to have to bake them! Oops - we've come full circle - they're in aisle 3.

In celebration of all things stupid and marketed to the masses who buy them, I bring you:

Seriously - cupcake icing? Since when did they require a specialized formula? Is there really a market for this? When I think of all those rebellious bakers who would dare to use cake icing on their cupcakes . . [shivvers] . . chills me to the bone.

And by the way, if they're making or icing cupcakes in that photo, why are their hands in a bowl? No step I can remember from cupcake baking involves hands in a bowl.