Catching Up

Life happens, you pay taxes, and then you die.

I just rediscovered the joy I used to get while posting here, so I'm back and ready to catch up. So I present a few gems that have been holed up in my computer for a while, waiting for their turn in the spotlight.

As usual, when you use the incorrect word, your meaning is lost. Although, sadly, probably not lost on most people these days, as most won't notice the error. Obviously this real estate listing has something to do with fonts:

I don't remember where this came from, and I also don't remember whether or not I tried the chilli lotto:

Most instructions seem to be written in a foreign country, so this is not an unusual mistake to see. But they are always funny. Make your way out the door, NOW! The inflatable is loosing air!

This is truly sad. Obviously this car belongs to a REALTOR. And just as obviously, this REALTOR is STUPID. There is no excuse for this.

Taken from a menu at a very nice dinner one night. I can report that the Rhubarb Pie was delicious. No barbs at all, thank goodness.

Our local pest control (a necessity in the South) sent this lovely reminder about bed bugs. Hopefully they are better at pest control than they are with spelling. Although I have to agree that hosting guests could be travailing in some ways.

That's all for now. I promise to keep my eyes open and report on more when I find them. Which isn't too hard these days. Have some examples that drive you crazy? Send them on to me and I'll gladly post them.

The Truck of The Car

On a more recent note, this is from the debacle called the Casey Anthony Trial - better known as OJ #2 Trial. The media is so bent on being the first to show this and that and to overdramatize every bit of information that they forget to check what they've written. Or they are too dumb to even notice that something's wrong.

I do remember way back when there was a car/truck vehicle that featured the front of a sedan and the back was a sort of pick-up truck. Truly ugly. Maybe that's what Casey was driving. If so, I stand corrected and there is nothing to see here. Move along.

(The DirecTV note is so that I can call them each and every time I have an issue - their phone number is on the note - which is often. And I will continue to harass them with calls until they agree to replace my bad DVR. So there.)

News Channels Run By Spelling (Oxy)Morons?

I haven't been able to figure out exactly what they're trying to say here. Either it's gotten extremely windy across the midwest, or air travel just got a little dicier.

Either way it's spelled wrong. Again, this is from a national 24 hour news channel. Do they not even care anymore?

And this is why South Carolina has been stereotyped:

This is from a local news channel. Perhaps their budget issues have caused them to cut back on education?

I'm From Calio - You Know - As In Caliofornia

Haha! This is from a morning news show. We can take comfort in the fact that the hand is actually pointing out the error. ("Stupid interns! I would like everyone to know that I had NOTHING to do with this!")

Oh, OK, it's Good Morning America. Get your sh** together GMA!

Alumni Won't Be Happy Coming Home To This

It's so sad to keep getting these images from college campuses. Thanks again to Kristilyn again for this one.
Perhaps we should go with the idea that the local businesses aren't run by students or graduates of the university. Sigh.

Capsizing Islands?

Forget for a moment that this man - this State Representative, mind you - is having trouble forming a complete sentence. Forget that he appears to be having trouble with the English language. Forget that he's making less sense than your average six year old child.

If you can.

How the Admiral kept a straight face through that is beyond me.

I have to believe that the video is actually an internet experiment to see how quickly a video can go viral. Or a Saturday Night Live Sketch (in which case it's hysterically funny!)

If it is real - God help us all if we keep electing morons like Representative Hank Johnson (GA).

On My Way To The Aquaitc Center

Do they have spell checkers on sign-making machines? No? Well, they might want to think about adding that feature. This spelling (the word is supposed to be aquatic - just in case you're having trouble figuring it out) was on several new city signs installed a while back to help visitors find their way around town. Except I don't think anyone will be looking for an Aquaitc Center. They could end up even more confused than when they started out. Maybe this could be turned into a positive thing - "Visit us - we have an Aquaitc Center - do you? Hah - didn't think so!"

How do you get it so wrong?

On each and every sign?

With nobody noticing?

Until they are all installed?

Who's in charge here, anyway?!

I Has Gradutated To Congealed Salads!

OK - time to get back to blogging. But I'm too lazy to upload the photos/examples, so today let's talk about celebrities making fools of themselves while murdering the English language - and having no idea that they are doing so.

American Idol has started up again. Yes, I like to watch the early episodes not necessarily for the bad singers (because I know that the producers have pushed them through with promises of glory and reassurances that they have wonderful voices only to crush their dreams and embarrass them on TV), but to see the great singers as they audition - as the judges see them for the first time.

On the first episode, with Posh Spice (or should I say Plastic Spice - I swear I had dolls with the same sheen to their face) as the guest judge, there was one singer who tripped over the word 'graduated' and came up with 'gradutated'. At least I think that's what he said. It's hard to spell words that aren't really words. But they passed on him, so we won't have to endure any more of his tenuous grasp of the language.

Second episode. Guest judge this time around is Mary J Blige. She's had a successful career, right? She is nice looking, appears to have a handle on that tricky thing called communication. BUT - then a wannabe idol walked in who had been a Miss America contestant. Ms. Blige commented on that part of her information, noting that she hadn't won the contest, but she had been awarded (are your ready for this one?) Miss Congealiality! Seriously! And no one even blinked. I had to replay it several times, thinking I had heard it wrong. CONGEALIALITY! My guess was that she made the best molded jello salad for the talent portion.

Sigh. You can't make this shit up.

I'll Have The Torttia With Chedder Chesse

This bit of a menu mess (from a small cafe in Oklahoma) proves that just because you can't spell doesn't mean that you can't cook. The food was incredibly good - certainly not fancy or earth shattering, but just plain good. And reasonably priced.

But the menu - oy vey what a mess! Fortunately, despite the mess, we were still able to choose our favorites and enjoy a wonderful family lunch.

How many errors can you find? No, really - I want to know because there are too many for me to keep track of.

If anyone can figure out what 613.990R11.75 is supposed to be, let me know. Either the beignets (which, by the way, is spelled correctly - go figure!) are a tad overpriced, or they've included the bar code for those who like to think in black and white.

Earthquake Clatter Nerves - 7.1 On Rector Scale!

A dilemma. Publicize the URL of this horrendous news site full of unbelievable writing and therefore giving it a boost in traffic (and hence, popularity and PR and success), or show you just one tiny example of the writing to enjoy, slack-jawed, as I did this morning.

Hmmmm.

Well, seeing as this blog has three readers on a good day, the URL shall be released. Promise not to tell the world, though. I don't want to promote their ineptness.

WARNING: I will not vouch for this site! It may be harmful to your computer. Proceed at your own risk - and possibly risk any hope you may have had for mankind for the remainder of your lifes (haha - little inside humor there).

So, for the brave - I give you: News we can do without!

Please, someone, tell me that the site isn't supposed to be real, that it's a parody, or satire, or something mocking the english language! I await your distinguished reply. Wishing you good fortune and best days ahead.

This sterling example of mistranslation was originally spotted on It's Your Damned Language! - another great grammar blog.

How Do You Spend Your Lifes?

Kristilyn was shopping in Big Lots today (who doesn't love Big Lots?!) and noticed this brilliant piece of artwork. She didn't say how much it was. Big Lots usually stocks products that might have been oversupplied, or items that don't sell in the original stores. Sometimes (if you like treasure hunts), you can find brilliant buys on anything from children's toys to air filters.

I wonder why this beautifully framed, thought provoking, beacon for our moral compass ended up there? Any ideas?

I hope she bought one for me!

Would You Buy This?

Time out.

We interrupt this blog to bring you the second most evil problem corrupting the world (bad grammar and lack of correct spelling being the first).

Stupid products for lazy people! This is getting out of hand. Case in point - first we had cookie dough in a tube. OK, that's understandable - not enough time to buy and mix up the ingredients (and it is oh so good straight from the tube). Then came the cookies almost formed, just break them up, place them on a cookie sheet, and bake. Because it's just too time consuming to slice the dough? Well, that's far too much work for me - please provide me with the cookies already on the cookie sheet so I can skip that step. And it was so. Wait! I don't even want to have to bake them! Oops - we've come full circle - they're in aisle 3.

In celebration of all things stupid and marketed to the masses who buy them, I bring you:

Seriously - cupcake icing? Since when did they require a specialized formula? Is there really a market for this? When I think of all those rebellious bakers who would dare to use cake icing on their cupcakes . . [shivvers] . . chills me to the bone.

And by the way, if they're making or icing cupcakes in that photo, why are their hands in a bowl? No step I can remember from cupcake baking involves hands in a bowl.

Welcome To The English Language

Walk-In. Interesting name for a store. I wonder what they sell there. Shoes? Must be shoes. What? Walk-in isn't the name of a store? Then what's this sign all about?

OK I'm going to stop now before I say something that might get me into trouble.

After Awarding The Million, Hire A Proofreader

Kristilyn was watching Millionaire the other day and caught this one. This is a show based on knowledge and brains. And they can't check their own work before airing it?

Narrow Near Miss

Just saw this on CBS.com:

Building Rolls Over

Mon Aug 03 07:02:55 PDT 2009

Caught On Tape: A building in Cankiri, Turkey fell over and rolled onto its roof, nearly missing surrounding buildings.

Nearly missing surrounding buildings? You mean it didn't miss them and crashed into them? Hmm. Let's go to the videotape.

[watching video]

Nope. It clearly missed the surrounding buildings (which is very strange, I have to admit). What CBS meant to say was that it narrowly missed surrounding buildings.

But hey - who's going to notice?

You might catch the video here:

Building Doesn't Nearly Miss Surrounding Buildings

Won The Award - And Then Left (Or Lost His Job)

I was very sorry to read that poor Rudy apparently lost his job after receiving the award.
This is from a company newsletter. I guess we can't expect them to be as dedicated and perfect as a professional newspaper - oh wait - the newspapers are no longer dedicated and professional. It should be easy to improve upon what I've seen published by the (ahem) professionals.

I can't credit the submission for this one. The submitter fears recrimination and job loss. With this economy - I'm not taking any chances.

Spell check is indicating that each occurence of the word professional is incorrectly spelled, as well as the word recrimination. So now I have to rag on the spell check??!

Names Have Been Removed to Protect the Innocent

And heads have been chopped off as well. It's not this woman's fault that the newspaper caption writer is an idiot. I'd say that it's the fault of the editor, but I truly believe that editors have gone the way of the dodo bird.

And what? How can they leave us hanging like that? I have a right to know! Maybe it's a 'tune in tomorrow' type thing. Are cliff hangers now a daily feature to keep readers coming back for more?

It won't work , I tell you. It just won't work.

No Words Can Describe

At a loss here. What can I say? It makes me afraid for my children and their children and the world in which they will all have to find a way to survive. Some day, in the not too distant future, world leaders will no longer have a clue about proper grammar. The President of the United States will appear to give a "Steak of the Onion" address. And then we will know. The end is near.

Thanks to Terry for this one. It is a large sign outside of a restaurant in a college town. A COLLEGE TOWN!

Teachers Obviously Need to Return

This is from the editorial page in the paper yesterday. The EDITORIAL page! I've never worked for a newspaper, but I've always suffered from the delusion that the editorial writers were the smartest and best that worked at the paper. I mean, anyone who can go on for paragraphs about world politics or other things that are over my head must be the smartest of the smart, right?

How in the world of Doonesbury did this headline get by anyone? And if the teachers are leaving, someone had better get them back pronto or the headlines are only going to get worse.

Now I understand why so many newspapers are going belly up.

Blogger is driving me batshit with the inconsistency of paragraph spacing! That post is NOT supposed to be one big paragraph. I've tried editing html, comapring to other posts, etc. NOTHING is working!

May 24rd Comes Right After May 23th.

Courtesy of Kristilyn, this is a screenshot from a TV show she was watching about weddings. I sincerely hope that the invitations didn't say the date was May 24rd.

Believe it or not, I come across this error fairly often. It usually occurs when someone is using a template for an event and changing the dates, times, etc.. Without giving a second thought to proofreading. And then publishing it for all the world to see.

I will say that I approve of the budget. These weddings you hear about that cost $50,000 and up are completely out of hand. (And I'm willing to be that they also have spelling/grammatical errors!)